I’ve always had this idea of who I wanted to be; some perfect mixture of Anne from Anne of Green Gables, Jo from Little Women, and Laura from Little House On The Prairie. I wanted to be a quiet girl, too; someone who didn’t have to ramble on about every thought that popped into her head.
I’d be a girl mysterious in her own way, tomboy through and through, above average in my education, and unlike your every-day teenager. I had plans to be a writer and see my name on great works of literature. And somehow, just somehow, I had to be better and smarter than my oldest brother. It just wasn’t fair how much better he was at everything than me (somehow I failed to realize that he was in fact older and therefore more experienced in general).
I’ve also never liked to be emotional. Growing up the only girl among three children, I was always frustrated with myself for being more emotional than my siblings. Even my mother has never been the kind of person to cry often, so comparing myself to her put me in the same sate of frustration.
Hold this back, push that back, brush that up, keep your chin up, stop talking so much, be smart, be creative, don’t cry so much… that was me, trying to be perfect; not because anyone else expected it of me, but because that’s what I expected of myself.
When I moved to a new state and began to meet people in the area, I had who I wanted to be all figured out. Then came chronic illness. Continue reading
I got this idea from a fellow blogging friend. His post reminded me of the little things in life I enjoy so much. So here goes:
BLT’s. That’s what I had for breakfast today. I’ve discovered it’s the perfect balance of what I need in a meal. Just enough greasy goodness from the bacon, still the fresh crunch of cripsy lettuce, the lovely flavor of a fresh tomato, and a generous layer of cream cheese to smooth things over. Layer it all on a homemade, Rachel friendly tortilla and it’s a smile-worthy thing indeed.
The sound of a camera shutter. I love it. Every time. Sometimes I take pictures simply to hear that sound.
Sunsets. They amaze me, truly. Though they’re not such a little thing, I suppose, in all their grander.
Surprises. They’re the best right now, honestly (Not like, “Surprise! The dog left you a present on the floor!” but like, “Surprise! Your best friend is here!” or “Surprise! Someone sent you a package!”). One good surprise will make my day… maybe even my week. Continue reading
Hey guys, A Heart For My Shepherd is taking a break. I’m not sure how long this break will be, but it’s time to take a step back.
I said in the previous post (My very first vlog!) that I would be honest with you guys, so instead of making some excuse like I have writer’s block, here’s what’s really going on:
I’m exhausted. Every time I write about these struggles and talk about the right things to do through all of this, it frustrates me. Not because they aren’t true, but because I’m just so weary of trying so hard to be strong through this illness. I love being able to share and encourage you all, but I’m out of encouragement for you. I don’t understand how I can trust God so much and have so many doubts at the same time, but as I work through each day, I’m finding it beyond difficult to keep going and keep trusting.
I can’t deny that God exists or that all these things that I’ve been sharing have been true. But my exhaustion has overcome my faith and I’m praying that God will hold on to me, because I no longer have the strength to hold onto Him.
So that’s where I’m at. Hopefully I’ll be back. I may ask a few other people to guest post for me while I’m gone. In the mean time, feel free to check out old posts that you may have missed.
Hello video blogging! This is new to me. I’ve never done a video blog before. Consequently, it’s a tad rough around the edges. So bear with me, please? :)
And did you ever notice how much I say “so”? I never did until now. Oops!
Well guys, I finally took the leap. You can now see my photography at fullofhisglory.wordpress.com. I’m excited and nervous and just a tad bit fearful. But here goes nothin’!
I hope to see all of your smiling faces over there soon! :)
“In the next few weeks, you’ll be hearing a lot from me about [the True Woman] conference.”
I wrote that over two weeks ago. Since then the blog has been silent. I’m sorry, dear readers. Things don’t always go as planned around here.
It’s not that I haven’t had time to write. In fact, I’ve sat down to write on several occasions over the past two weeks. It just won’t flow.
My heart has been heavy, struggling with doubts and frustrations. But even as I sit to write this out, the words won’t come. There are too many thoughts weighing down on my mind to write them all out.
The rough days just don’t seem to be taking a break. I’ve had this I’m-almost-back-to-normal idea for the past couple of months, pushing to believe that I’m almost at the end of this road to recovery. But this journey is much slower than I’d like to admit and I push and push, only to finally collapse in frustration and despair.
And I’ve collapsed. That’s why the blog has been silent. Because I’ve been overcome by the realization that this road is long and I’m not yet to the end of it.
That hurts. I want to be to the end. I want this to be over now. I’ve thought before that I was tired of all this. I’ve even felt that tired was an understatement. Now I don’t even know how to express how weary I am of this road. And when you’re weary, you don’t always see things for what they are. Continue reading
Last weekend, I attended True Woman ’12. Let me tell you… it was wonderful! In the next few weeks, you’ll be hearing a lot from me about this conference. My heart has been filled (along with my notebook) and I am anxious to share some of the wisdom and encouragement that I found in this event.
Today, I’ve been considering all the people I walked past or sat next to last weekend. Over 8,000 women at this event and each of them have their own story. You walk past them in the hall and you’d never know the details of their life – their trials and triumphs, their struggles and doubts. Continue reading